In a few weeks I will be attending an event that I have never been to before. I will be attending this event alone. I don’t know anyone who will be there. There will be thousands. Most of the people who are going already know each other – in fact from what I have heard there is a definite social hierarchy amongst the attendees and even (I cringe just using the word), cliques. I’m terrified.
It got me thinking about my social experience during school. The social complexity of high-school hallways is frightening – and as far as I can tell that complexity is starting much, much younger. A friend of mine’s daughter explained it me like this. School is like the royal court during the time of Henry the Eighth. You have the king and the queen, who are obviously at the top, then you have extremely high ranking nobles, then you have the ladies in waiting, then you have the merchants, then you have the farmers and lower class citizens – and then finally at the bottom you have the plebs. Please keep in mind that she was 11 years old when she explained this to me…11.
When I was in the midst of this social nightmare I swore to myself that when I had a child I would do everything in my power to make sure that my kid was popular. I would buy her the right clothes, make friends with the right parents, etc… That is how important it all seemed at the time. But guess what? I don’t feel that way anymore. The most popular kids from my school days seem to me to be the most unhappy in adulthood. The least popular are successful, independent and confident.
Now I’m not sure I have a role in any of this for my daughter. What do you think? How do you prepare your daughter for the mean girls, the cliques, the feeling that the world is going to end when your friends decide not to speak to you anymore?
And while you’re at it give me some tips for the conference 
I’m going too and I am SO excited!!!! I heard it’s complete chaos but I am looking forward to it anyhow!
July 26th, 2010 at 6:21 pm
Easy, we home school. So, we just have to deal with a brother who is mean, or MOM, who is in need of a break. We all have to work on the most important relationships, FAMILY. When your kids feel loved and accepted for who they are at home the pain of the world is easier to deal with. We all want to shelter our kids from pain we have dealt with in the past, but to be honest, the pain and trouble is what makes us stronger, when we have supportive healthy relationships to get us through. We understand others and are kinder when we have experienced hurt from others and are directed to forgive rather than to seek revenge. We are more giving when we have been in want and are taught to be thankful for what we get in all situations, rather than feeling entitled. The example you set and the lessons you teach will go much farther if love, forgiveness, acceptance and fair loving discipline is where it starts.
Most of all, knowing that one is a child of God and forgiven and accepted by Him makes it much easier to let the “mean girls” comments and actions have no effect. When you feel sorry for someone, it’s hard to take them seriously.
July 27th, 2010 at 5:59 pm