I got so sucked in to this article on raising socially intelligent children.  The article outlines 5 skills that we as Parents should be focusing on teaching our children to boost their social intelligence.  In the article the writer talks about how important it is to focus on your child’s social intelligence skills because kid’s need social intelligence to do well in school.  I am not so much worried about school, after all I am with Emily there every step of the way, I think it is more important to teach social intelligence so that our kids do well in life.

As I read through the list I got a little bit nervous about my Parenting.  I absolutely agree with every one of these skills but don’t necessarily push hard enough on teaching them.  I thought I would share with you where I stand on this and would love to hear from all of you.  Do you agree with these skills?  How are you doing?

Skill #1 – How to be a Loser

I have been thinking a lot about this one lately.  I would actually reword this one and say that “How To Fail Well” is more appropriate.  We focus so much on building self-esteem and helping our daughter’s believe that they can do anything. Do we actually then make them terrified of failure?  I often wonder if Emily’s fear of failure (which I know comes from no Parental pressure whatsoever) was born from hearing “you can do anything” so many times that the message morphed in to, “I should be able to do anything – and be good at it”.  The scary fact is that those people afraid of failure don’t take risks and those who don’t take risks may never fulfill their dreams.  I have pondering how to encourage risk-taking and acceptance of failure with Emily.  Any thoughts?

Skill #2 – How to Be a Joiner

I think we are pretty good at this one.  Although Emily is shy she is brave when it counts.  She makes friends easily and we try hard to give her a lot of experiences where she is forced to cross out of her comfort zone.

Skill #3 – How to Fight for What’s Right

Toughy.  Major Toughy.  We are getting in to clique age here.  Since you can’t be around your kids during the most important opportunities to fight for what’s right – when someone is getting picked on – you just have to assume that what you are doing at home is enough.  We talk to Emily a lot about empathy.  Always, always put yourself in someone else’s shoes.  Always think before you speak.  And – what I think is a very important message – what goes around comes around.  Things change quickly in the social world of pre-teens and the picked-on of today may quickly become the pickees of tomorrow.  Trust me… they will remember.

Skill#4 – How To Be A Good Actor

Why is it that the teens of tomorrow who will no doubt have mastered good acting for their own purposes are so bad at acting today.  This is a difficult one to teach also because there is a fine-line between “acting” and “lying”.  We were recently on a trip overseas and eating in a wonderful restaurant.  The waiter was practicing his English and was quite taken with Emily’s friendly attempt at Spanish.  About halfway through the meal the waiter came to the table and proudly tried to hand Emily a brochure about the restaurant “for her scrapbook”.  Emily looked at the brochure in his hand and said “no thank you” and turned away.  The waiter was crushed.  But Emily was just incredibly confused about why I was so upset with her.  ”But I didn’t want it for my scrapbook”, she said.  ”I didn’t want to lie.”  Hmmmm… deal with that one.  Apparently I am not very good at teaching this skill.  How about you?

Skill #5 – How to Question Authority

Out of all the skills listed I think this one is the most important.  There is nothing wrong in questioning.  There is no better learning catalyst than doubt.  Any “authority figure” who doesn’t encourage questioning in others is not deserving of the adjective “authority” in my opinion.  There is not one human being who knows everything.  There is not one human being who is always right.  We tell Emily that if we ask her do something she can ask us for a reason.  If we can’t give her a good reason she doesn’t have to do it.  I tell her to respectfully question her teachers (after class – no one likes a “know-it-all”) and others who present themselves as authority.  Not only is this an important life skill – it is vital for our children’s safety.*

Now you – how are you doing on these 5 skills – or do you not agree with them at all?

*Read The Lovely Bones for an example.